Hamlet!
by Mockingtale Bright
Summary: High school. The stupidity. The legendary school play. The unfortunate director. With a shudder and crimson dripping from his lips, Naruto fell to the ground, a sword sticking out from his chest. Everybody paused as Sasuke stared with a raised eyebrow. "…Worst. Death. Ever". Crack-parody. "I'm surrounded by morons", the Director declared happily.
1. Appointment of the Director

_**Hamlet!**_

_**The Appointment of the Director**_

**With a shudder and crimson dripping from his lips, Naruto fell to the ground, a sword sticking out from his chest. Everybody paused as Sasuke stared with a raised eyebrow. "…Worst. Death. Ever". High school-fic. Crack**

_Decima Star does not own Hamlet or Naruto. She does however, own this story._**  
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There are very few things that can bond a school together.

You have the pretty girl sororities, you have the bad boys fraternities, the geek club, the science clique, the anime fan base. You have the grades rivalries, the love triangles, the cousin grudges, the crushes, the break-ups.

Yeah, it's pretty diversified in high school.

But there's always that one thing, that very one event that can unite even the most intense of high school head bitch rivalries. It could be a tsunami, a typhoon, a plague.

Or it could be your principal unexpectedly announcing over the speakers that your school was holding a play that would be graded as 65% of end-year exams.

Yeah, it could be that.

So that was what it was. That Event Of The Year that the whole school would partake in, culminating in the magnificent public performance at the end of the year. Well, according to Tsunade anyway.

So when she was ushered into the principal's office one fine day, nervously adjusting her black spectacles, she found herself handed a thick book and yellow envelope. Surprised, she looked up to the principal's serious face.

"Congratulations student." She could feel tingles run up her spine as the title of the book seemed to whisper into her ear. Dark brown eyes, almost black, stared wide-eyed into the face of her principal once she realized what this meant. The title whispered the same name over and over, carried down from times of old, through tradition, through sacrifice. Now it was she who would behold the same honor that people from the past had beheld.

_Hamlet _

The voices whispered mysteriously, dangerously… creepily.

"We have found you to have high tolerance, high intelligence, hardworking and creative. You also have a strong hold on your mental insanity which we believe to be extremely important. Congratulations, we have chosen you to direct this year's school play. From now on, in order to prevent any ridicule or complaint, you are to be called, 'director'. We are giving you free rein, you are now officially above reproach."

_Director_

In charge of the legendary Shakespearean play. Director. The honor, the fame, the dealing with high school nonsense.

Hamlet. The tragedy of the Prince of Denmark. The boy who learnt the corruption of politics. The idiot who caused the death of his mum, uncle, supposed-to-be-brother-in-law and himself within one hour.

_Hamlet_

Her play was going to be the greatest play ever known, she knew this as she exited the principal's office with a glint in her eye.

From now onwards, high school, would survive _her _for a change.

This would be fun.

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**Hey there! Glad you picked this story up! _Hamlet! _Is a little experiment I've set up for myself. Can I write comedy without making it seem too nonsensical? Can I add a little bit of philosophical here and there? Let me know how it goes! Any suggestions? Anything to say? Please review! **


	2. Confrontations with confused redheads

_**Hamlet!**_

_**Confrontations with confused redheads**_

**With a shudder and crimson dripping from his lips, Naruto fell to the ground, a sword sticking out from his chest. Everybody paused as Sasuke stared with a raised eyebrow. "…Worst. Death. Ever". High school-fic. Crack**

_Decima Star does not own Hamlet or Naruto. She does however, own this story._**  
**

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"Hey have you heard about the new director?"

"What director?"

"Oh you know, that school play, 'Hamlet'. Tsunade's appointed some transfer student to be in-charge"

"What?! She appointed some newbie to be in-charge of _us_?"

"I _know_. She has no idea what's coming for her. I mean, I asked around, nobody, like, knows who she even _is_, furthermore, she's be given almost the same authority as teachers! The entire school is _so_ going to get her."

"I almost feel sorry for her. You're going to audition?"

"You're kidding right? Talent scouts, guaranteed 65% for end-year exams. Who isn't?"

"I pity that director now."

"Mm. Yeah, same here."

The previous conversation mirrored the one between a certain Karin and her cronies- I mean clique. Well, actually Karin was the one that did most of the talking. See, a good leader is supposed to talk and talk and talk while her followers are supposed to agree and nod and do whatever their leader asked them to do- think the latest Siri from Apple. Karin and her cronies- I mean clique, were a good example of this healthy relationship between leader and follower. The last remembered model example of such a relationship was between Hitler and his followers. We all know how that turned out.

"Argh! That bitch! That yellow-haired, big-boobed bitch! I mean _seriously_?! _Seriously_?!".  
The redhead, with a swipe of her perfectly painted hands, pushed her food tray to the floor with a loud crash. The dramatic damsel-in-a-lot-of-distress then clutched her red locks in anger and magnificently, with the melodic voice of dying puppy, _whined_.

"How can that Tsunade bitch pick some newbie to be in charge over _me_. Me. ME!"

Karin's clique flinched at her temper, both awed and terrified of it. They clutched each other, staring at their leader with wide eyes as they listened to her heartbreaking tale.

"I was going to assign Sasuke-kun to the role of the hero! And I would be his princess! We were supposed to fall in love during the play!".  
Images of Sasuke, bare-chested and holding her while she swooned against a rising moon played again and again in her head.

Suddenly her eyes narrowed as she zoomed in on a figure behind her followers. "It's _her_. That stupid transfer student. I'm going to teach her a lesson she'll never forget!". That said, she got up and strutted over to a lone table at the back of the cafeteria, her followers behind her.

The director was sipping apple juice from a juice box, pouring over the thick 'Hamlet'. Earlier, many students had sniggered at her.  
They were promptly ignored.

"Listen bitch."

She looked up to see a redhead clad in skimpy clothes with a group of equally skimpy girls behind her. The redhead grabbed the chair in front of her and very rudely, with a screech of the metal legs, sat.

"So I hear you're the new director." She said sneering. The only thought the director managed to process in her head was: _Get out of my face._

"Listen bitch. I don't know who you are, I don't know where you're from but you have no right, NO RIGHT to take my director's position!"

The director put down her juice box and her book and did what any person in her situation would do. She blinked.

"Um. I don't understand."

"How can Tsunade pick some _newbie_ like _you_ over me?! Me who has so many talents and experience. Who the hell do you think you are?!"

"Oh…", the director blinked again and her eyes turned sympathetic. "I totally get it. Some ugly newbie who has no experience over someone as talented as you? I so _totally _agree with you."

"Yeah! I mean, how can she_ not_ choose me?! I'm the most popular girl in this school! Shouldn't it make sense that people would follow _me_ instead of _you_?"

"Yeah! This Tsunade is _such_ a bimbo bitch. Anyone with common sense would choose you in charge! I mean, you have the leadership material!"

"Exactly! It's not fair! Look at you! Look at _me_!"

"Yeah! I'm so ugly and fat. _Totally_ not glamorous at all."

"I mean, I'm smart and talented. Why you?! Why can't it be me?!"

"Yeah! You're so unappreciated here! You know what? You should totally give Tsunade a talking to!"

"Exactly! Argh! I'm going to give her a piece of my mind!"

"You know what? How about you go talk to her now?!"

"You're right." With another screech of metal, Karin got up to face her minions- I mean clique. "Come on girls! Lets go!". She tossed her red mane over her shoulder and stalked off towards the direction of the Principal's Office.

_Wow. _The director thought, sucking on her straw. _Mind blown._

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_Calling all students: Are you interested in the school play 'Hamlet'? Be it backstage helpers or lead actors, as long as you're interested, participate! 65% end-year exam marks guaranteed. Terms and Conditions apply._

_Meeting in the Lecture Auditorium A after school until 4pm for more details. _

A group of open-mouthed students were crowded around the large poster pasted on the corridor wall.

"I wanna be the female lead!"

"No I want to be the female lead!"

"But I'm prettier than you!"

"No I'm the prettiest one of all!"

"No, it's me!"

"Wrong! Me!"

"If Sasuke's joining, so will I!"

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

"Sasuke is going to be mine!"

"How is that even relevant?!"

"Hey! Isn't that the director?"

The said dark-haired girl was currently hurrying pass the excited group, failing miserably to cover her face.

"Hey director!"

The bespectacled girl simply moved forwards.

"Hey you!"

The dark-haired girl stopped short and swerved around to face the expectant crowd. She put on her serious face and raised a business-like finger, her mouth opened as she drew in breath to speak.

The crowd looked at her with wide eyes, expecting her speech.

The director gave a friendly smile. Then she bolted out of the corridor.

"I'm confused" a certain spiky blonde said.

**_Hours later, after school…_**

The director guessed that the entire senior level was here. That was encouraging. That was extremely, extremely stressful.

She went onstage to the podium and cautiously tapped on the microphone. A loud crackling sound echoed around the large auditorium. It was noisy, god it was incredibly noisy. Nobody batted an eyelash or cast a bothered eye to her.

"Now, I think everybody's excited about one thing: the main cast. So let's cut to the chase and if everybody would SHUT UP-", the microphone screeched, amplified by the voluminous expanse of the auditorium. There was a collective wince as the chatter died down.

"Good." The director pushed her black spectacles up her nose. "Now, here are a few things." She smiled a friendly smile as she surveyed the mass of students before her.

"I know some people aren't very happy with my appointment. I can understand your feelings. Unfortunately, feelings aren't going to change anything. Next, obviously not all of you are going to participate in the play. Too many people. I'm sorry. As for the main cast, auditions will be held, there will be three rounds for the auditions. Unfortunately, the script is undergoing a rewrite, so I can't tell you when the auditions will be held. Lastly-" her smile widened, "I'm a very reasonable person. I'm also very determined. I don't like nonsense; I just won't stand for it. I appreciate everyone's full cooperation. Earlier there was a redhead whom I met during break, she was scary. I think she was a little confused though. I have forgotten where this speech was supposed to go to but you'll find some more details on the school website. I shall now reluctantly answer your questions."

A large brown-haired male raised his hand. "Will there be a buffet during the play?"

The director slapped her forehead.

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**How was it? Um... Too be honest I think this one came off a little too weird. But anyway, tell me! Oh by the way, my word limit for this story was over 1000 words. Should I make it a bit longer?**


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